All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir

Part 4 of All You Can Ever Know focuses on Nicole’s relationship with her birth father as it developed during her second pregnancy. Nicole learned that her birth father asked to meet her while planning a trip to visit Cindy and Rick in Portland. The request brought out Nicole’s insecurities. She worried about disappointing Cindy if she refused and disappointing her father with her non-traditional manner.

The day after arriving in Portland, Nicole met her birth father and his wife for the first time. Noting his resemblance to Cindy, she deduced that she must take after their mother. Although Nicole’s father spoke excellent English, the conversation went on in English and Korean, with Cindy translating. Nicole’s father gave her gifts: a copy of Walden and Civil Disobedience, and a book of essays he had written in Korean.

Nicole was struck by how similar she was to her father, particularly in their shared love of writing. She wished she could read her father’s essays and that she could understand when he, his wife, and Cindy broke into Korean. Nicole showed her father pictures and told him about her life. He expressed pride when he saw Nicole’s college graduation photo, then pulled out his own pictures.