Play It As It Lays

“Because the pursuit of reasons is their business here, they ask me questions. Maria, yes or no: I see a cock in this inkblot. Maria, yes or no: A large number of people are guilty of bad sexual conduct, I believe my sins are unpardonable, I have been disappointed in love. How could I answer? How could it apply? NOTHING APPLIES.”

This passage lays out the central problem of the novel, which is that people want to find explanations for the path Maria’s life has taken while she does not. Despite harboring guilt over her mother’s death and despite having experienced severe sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, Maria staunchly rejects any analysis of her actions. She counters with an existential nihilism that questions the very act of seeking explanations.

“In the place where Kate is they put electrodes on her head and needles in her spine and try to figure what went wrong.”

Maria also resists interpretation when it comes to her four-year-old daughter, Kate, who has a serious neurological condition. Maria’s goal is to take Kate out of the hospital into which Carter has placed her. Over the course of the novel, the hope of being with Kate becomes Maria’s only reason to live.

“My mother thought being an actress was a nice idea, […] and my father said not to be afraid to go because if certain deals worked out as anticipated he and my mother would be regular airline passengers between Las Vegas and New York City, so I went.”

Maria never intended to become permanently separated from her parents while she pursued acting. After her mother died, Maria wondered if she should have stayed in Nevada, thinking that she might have avoided her mother’s death and her own difficult experiences.